I am...Untitled.

I’ll break my life for all of You
to be intimately known,
You could trace my every outline
with Your eyes closed. 

I’ll open my heart for all of You
to fill a light blazing shown,
You could set fire to my very soul
with Your small whisper.

And in a blink, in a breath
I am changed forever
In a passion, in a love
that this world could never
break apart
that this world can’t sever
this start
of letting You have all of me.

I’ll show my skin for all of You
to feel how freedom has grown,
You could erase my insecurity
with Your gentle touch.

And in a blink, in a breath
I am changed forever
In a passion, in a love
that this world could never
break apart
that this world can’t sever
this start
of letting You have all of me.

All of me is dying to see
All of you come alive in me.



Based out of Mark 10:27 and Matthew 10:30-40

 

“The first characteristic of true love is humility:  the pouring of oneself down lower and lower in self-effacement and self-denial.  The message of running water always is, ‘Go lower. Find the lowest place.  That’s the only way to true fulfillment.’” -Hannah Hunard

I sit at this lake house and watch the sunlight bouncing off the water. As it is reflecting across the lake and cascading over my body through the screen on the back porch, I can’t fight the notion that this is right.  It is so incredibly good, euphoric even, to be in Your nature and soaking in Your light.
      May I be like running water.  May true fulfillment come in getting lower and lower as You rise higher and higher.  You are great God and I am nothing. I guess that kind of makes you like the sunlight on this lake.
                When I am satisfied and gather all my sources at the lowest point, calm and cool in the fullness of You, You can be reflected off my surface.  My body and it’s every movement can be a source of your light.  I can be a point that people will look off their front porches to see how Son radiates in a life. Shine and beam out of me in a ripple effect. I’m drowning in humility because it is there that I breathe You more.  

*John 3:30 “He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.” 

Love is going to the birds
actions and feathers
This takes more than just words
numbers, the weather
You say I’m worth more
than the beautiful jay’s I adore
So I trust You when I’m sayin’
Love is going to the birds

Love is going to the birds
have it and leave it
This takes more than just words
fly away, feel it
You say I’m precious more
than the seagulls I watch soar
So I love you when I’m sayin’
Love it going to the birds.

Even greater detail You pay to me
than the birds in the air,
the fish in the sea
I am but skin,
You know everything within
So lets begin and end by sayin’
Love is going to the birds.

Actions and feathers
Numbers, the weather
Have it and leave it
Fly away, feel it
Fly a  w    a     y….. 

Poem penned off of Matthew 10:29-31 

     Blow into us Your breath like a firework. Sparkling and colored by hues of Your love and grace, with a boom so loud it knocks us off our feet.  May it’s sparks set a fire to the grounds around us.  Light up our world in this night and burn all our preconceptions and inhibitions to the ground.  As if the cracked soil and dry grass of our life was planted there on purpose; awaiting this moment when Your firework would explode in our soul’s sky, ready to be set a flame.  Every blade of grass a memory of attempted worship and self glorification.  They are a wick, drinking up a fallen spark and ready to burn away with the light of a brighter source.  You, God, Your flame blazing across dry, barren and broken land with ease.  This parched earth was waiting for your firework.
     And when it’s all burnt away, new ground be left.  New life be given.  It was shaken by your sound, scorched by Your sparkling flame, and is ready for seed to fall.  Fall on good soil, God.  And may your roots go down deep.  Like Son burnt skin ready to be soothed by your nature and nurture.  That we might be ready for this new season.

Boom in my heart like a firework
It’s flecks, set my soul a-flame
Like a drought inflicted land
Thirsting for a fire rain
May it lick up all I’ve tried to grow
And, in this new soil, Your seed You sow

Burn me up
Ashes by your flame
‘Till nothing but You remains
In this new ground
Earth-quaked by Your sound
For Your renown, I won’t be the same
When nothing but You remains 
 

_____

I’m not even sure exactly what this means but let the Lord interpret it for you as He sees fit. New seasons are coming, God gave me a glimpse into 4th of July this morning. Spring is here… Summer is coming for you. 

I’ve always wanted to be more or less..

More open, more “put-together”, more welcoming, more perfect, more talented, more organized, more..    
                     or less…
Less talkative, less energetic, less zealous, less spontaneous, less up tight, less independent, less stubborn..  

Math lessons from Satan: Me + or - attribute/characteristic = better. 

So, there was a metaphoric table set before me today. I watched as a man walked to the place of honor and was told to move. Embarrassed, he moved to his seat. Then, the humble man took his seat in the least important place and was told to move to the place of honor. It was then said, “But if you’re content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself (The Message)” or, for a different translation, ”For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted (NIV).” -Luke 14:7-14

I give up on my prior version of math because of this story.  God does not call me to add or subtract anything from myself. He says to simply be myself and He will make me greater than I ever tried to be for His sake. So it should be more like this…

Math lessons from St. Luke: God + me > me + anything

Nothing more or less can make us any better or worse. When we learn this is when we actually become something greater than we already are. So maybe you are called to do something you do not feel prepared to do; give something you do not  even have yet; speak to someone you do not have to words to say anything to. God loves to take us in our humility, in acceptance of our disabilities, and do impossible things because only He can get the glory. No calculus to that…  

Basic math: Want to be more than yourself? Be yourself.  Want to be exalted? Be humbled. Everything is inverted in the Kingdom and, therefore, there is no perfect sum of faith or gifts that are proportionate for God. He can use any amount of anything He chooses to use to multiply for an eternal impact. 

Let that add up..

If grace were a place
It’d be in your arms
If love had a face
It’d have your smile
My place of escape
A warm embrace
Right here

If grace were a place
It’d be in your hands
If love had a face
It’d have your eyes 
My place of rest
A redemptions breath
Right away 

Contentment is what I was searching for
This whole time
And you were waiting
Until I called you mine
You’ve always been right beside me
Whispering wind words against my door
Beautiful billows rhyme
And you were saying
I have called you mine
I’ve always been right beside you
In this place, with this grace

If grace were a place
It’d be in your touch
If love had a face
It’d have your kiss
My place that I’m safe
An ending chase
Right now  
.



Inspired after a little reading..

“I’m glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you’re again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances.” -Philippians 4

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” -Romans 8:26-28
 

 O my soul, bless God. From head to toe, I’ll bless his holy name! 
   O my soul, bless God, 
      don’t forget a single blessing! 

  He forgives your sins—every one. 
      He heals your diseases—every one. 
      He redeems you from hell—saves your life! 
      He crowns you with love and mercy—a paradise crown. 
      He wraps you in goodness—beauty eternal. 
      He renews your youth—you’re always young in his presence. 

God makes everything come out right; 
      he puts victims back on their feet. 
   He showed Moses how he went about his work, 
      opened up his plans to all Israel. 
   God is sheer mercy and grace; 
      not easily angered, he’s rich in love. 
   He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold, 
      nor hold grudges forever. 
   He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve, 
      nor pay us back in full for our wrongs. 
   As high as heaven is over the earth, 
      so strong is his love to those who fear him. 
   And as far as sunrise is from sunset, 
      he has separated us from our sins. 
   As parents feel for their children, 
      God feels for those who fear him. 
   He knows us inside and out, 
      keeps in mind that we’re made of mud. 
   Men and women don’t live very long; 
      like wildflowers they spring up and blossom, 
   But a storm snuffs them out just as quickly, 
      leaving nothing to show they were here. 
   God’s love, though, is ever and always, 
      eternally present to all who fear him, 
   Making everything right for them and their children 
      as they follow his Covenant ways 
      and remember to do whatever he said. 

God has set his throne in heaven; 
      he rules over us all. He’s the King! 
   So bless God, you angels, 
      ready and able to fly at his bidding, 
      quick to hear and do what he says. 
   Bless God, all you armies of angels, 
      alert to respond to whatever he wills. 
   Bless God, all creatures, wherever you are— 
      everything and everyone made by God.

   And you, O my soul, bless God!

-Psalm 103

There are chains God wants to break in your life.  Anxiety, worry, doubt, fear, disorder.  There is a mental bondage to something in the back your mind that you do not want to cling to but, out of mortality, you do.  It’s a subconscious wall you have built up, creating a small, dark room in your life. And you feel it.  I want you to know that there is Light and it’s pounding at the front door in your wall.

I have found myself praying so often for God to just remove the darkness.  That the Lord will make it evaporate like water off of the pavement on a hot summers day.  But that is not how He works.  He does not remove the black.  He takes the black and washes it white.  He doesn’t erase the chains.  He takes the chains and holds them and then breaks them.  He does not just make it disappear. He meets our weakness and frailty right where they are at. Pray then, that God will not remove your hearts sequestered chambers but, rather, that He will walk into them with a candle and set them on fire.  That He will join you there and burn them down with His flame.  He wants to do that!  He takes joy in setting you free. But you have got to let Him in first.

The people who walk in darkness will see a great light. For those who live in a land of deep darkness, a light will shine. You will enlarge the nation of Israel, and its people will rejoice. They will rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest and like warriors dividing the plunder. For you will break the yoke of their slavery and lift the heavy burden from their shoulders. You will break the oppressor’s rod,j ust as you did when you destroyed the army of Midian. The boots of the warrior and the uniforms bloodstained by war will all be burned. They will be fuel for the fire. -Isaiah 9:2-5

This is the prophesy of Christ.  He has already come and He is the great light that we can now see.  But, yet, we allow our bondage and slavery to still be real. 

I proclaim freedom for you Child.  From every thought that is not from the Lord.  I believe that God wants to do this in your life. Let Him in and set off a few fireworks in your dark room.  

The light has come..Freedom.
He is breaking the chains… Kingdom. 

Go free.

So as I am continuing on through this challenge, a few things have changed in my perception of what the standards God has on the Sabbath.  

-It is to be kept Holy but room must be left for divine interruption (avoid the trap of human disappointment when things do not go as planned)
- Work if you are called to, Jesus performed miracles on this day
-Accept exceptions

Any who, my “Sabbath” yesterday was spent in church, a lot of quality family time and riding in the passenger seat back to school.  It rained but I took a walk any way.  In fact, I welcomed the grey. It some how felt right to be wet and cold.  Nothing significant by big story standards occurred but I did have some time to think.

Something is wrong with me. I mean, I’m sure there’s like a thousand things. But what’s been driving me crazy the most is that I just found out that I have low iron.  Not a big deal.. just an added pill in the morning.  Yet, it makes me feel weird.  Light headed and sometimes I feel like my heart beat is marching to its own drummer. As I laid down to sleep last night I let that feeling run away with me a bit and overflow into my pen:

Lord, I want to close my eyes
and, as a rose in winter, close
Not feeling like my heart is skipping beats
And let thoughts fleet
and play with my mind
Just want to focus on what’s true
Just want to focus on what’s You

Lord, I want to open up
and, as a spring flower, bloom
Just feeling like my breath is brand new
And let a dew
settle like glitter on my soul
Just want to wake up to what’s true
Just want to wake up to what’s You.

‘Cause in this life
There are seasons
Joy and pain
Sounds insane
That such opposites
abide
in the same place
reside
in the same space
where I want to be
Set me free, I just want to be

As I fall asleep
Please hear a nightingale’s song of love
Bless me, keep me
Let mercy descend like mornings dove 
And awaken to Thee

Set me free, I just want to be. 
To be set free. 

You groped your way through that murk once, but no longer. You’re out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true—these are the actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it.

Don’t waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. It’s a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ. 

Wake up from your sleep, 
Climb out of your coffins; 
Christ will show you the light!
So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times!

-Ephesians 5:8-16

I’ve rolled my ankle probably 1,000 times. And today marked 1,001 which speaks for my horrible attempts to walk. As I embarked to do a little rock hopping out at Hebron Rock Colony, I took two steps along the trail and felt my ankle hit the ground. Story of my life…I set out on so many destinations only to fall. Today marked my first attempt at the Never Have I Ever Challenge (see above post if you’re confused) and it was all an analogous experience.

I had committed myself to not work and to not make others work. I had set a standard to rest and enjoy the day. Only to have God totally wreck it.

“So the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath.” Mark 2:28

My first expectation was broken when I rolled my ankle.  Here I was setting off on this beautiful day to enjoy nature and I cannot even walk.  I decided to be a super trooper and keep going anyway but I had to rely on Nathan to continuously catch me or pull me up as we bounded from rock to rock. The second was rectified as we walked out of the trail only to find out that our car was 1 of 75 others to get towed from the gravel back mountain road for “parking on private property.”  Then, when we finally got back to the car, I was so light headed from lack of water and food that we had to buy dinner. I also came home to my apartment only to realize that I had to do homework. Fail. Epic fail. Right?

Wrong. 

Stay with me for a sec..

God is in control over this day, not me! I cannot say that I will not do these things if God says I will or need to. For example, me needing Nathan to catch me over and over again  taught me in a weird way that I can rely on him. It also makes for a good laugh. Then, as we got into the tow truck to get back to our car, we struck up a conversation with the driver.  He had been to Kenya and was a youth pastor. Go figure, Nathan and I both lived in Kenya last summer. We spent the whole rest of the ride talking about faith. Then dinner just kind of saved my life. Lets just say that between all that teriyaki chicken and the Ben and Jerry’s ice cream I just finished off, I should be good to go for quite some time. The homework.. well I’m sure there is a light for that one too, I just haven’t found it yet. But it did lead to time in my room where the Lord showed me that He hears when we pray (long story for another blog).

As I stared out of the slit in my hammock on top of Hebron, I watched the clouds through the trees.  Funny shapes are those things. Always changing, floating, meandering along the breeze. And I kept thinking how life is like that. God wants us to be like that; to blow with His breath, to be guided by His hand, and to allow Him to catch us when we fall and roll an ankle.

Christ is bigger than our expectations or holy aspirations… Even on the Sabbath day. 

Yea, admit it. We all played this game at one point. (If you haven’t, you’re about to) Ok, both hands up in high five stance. So what happens now is when I say “Never have I ever ______” you drop a finger if you have done what is mentioned in previous the statement. Got it? Here we go..

Never have I ever… Kept the Sabbath day holy.

Seriously, I haven’t. And I am reading these verses that convict me.  I grew up going to Sunday church and thinking that was good enough for upholding the Sabbath. But that’s not it at all.  It a day when “your household may do no work.” A day to remember that “you were once slave in Egypt, but the Lord your God brought you out…(Deuteronomy 6:14,15).”  God’s people were once slaves to their work and He’s saying to us, “Hey remember that time when you were bound to your labor? I think you deserve a break.” 

Sunday ritual for me is the church pew, going out to lunch with the family or friends, and then usually finishing up school work for the next day of class because I put it off all weekend. 3 problems: 1. As a worship leader, sometimes Sunday church could be classified as “work.” 2. Going out to lunch means that I am paying someone else to work on a day that God does not want them to. 3. Then I am putting myself to work and under more stress that most other days of the week.  I’m told to take a break and I’m politely looking back at the Lord and saying; See these chains God? I’m still a slave to my work and I’d rather not take them off today. 

Is that holy? Folks, I’m coming to the smack-in-the-face realization that if the God of the universe took the 7th day of creation as a time of rest then I, flesh and blood, most certainly need to take one as well.

So this is The Never Have I Ever Challenge- Keep the Sabbath day holy and as a day of rest for one month. [I don’t necessarily intend on breaking it after a month, I just want a start and ending point to gage this challenge and to hopefully form a habit.] No going out to lunch after church. No school work. Just taking time to shut down for a bit, actually invest in people, play games, take a hike, go for a run without my ipod for once. Those sorts of things that I do not ever take the time to do and enjoy. And if work must happen on the traditional Sunday Sabbath (“traditional” after the coming of Christ that is), then I will implement another day as a day of rest. I’ll keep you posted along the way. 

Join me if you’d like. I’d love to hear about your experience in this! But, I am in no way telling you to do it. My hope is that you just think about it. Maybe it’s a small step, like enjoying a Sunday nap that is long over due or taking a walk in the park that you haven’t visited in a while. Buy your groceries on Saturday and cook for Sunday lunch so that you save someone else from working. What ever it is- rest and enjoy. Take a breather and remember this gift of restoration that the Lord has given you. 

“And I gave them my Sabbath days of rest as a sign between them and me. It was to remind them that I, the LORD, had set them apart to be holy, making them my special people.” Ezekiel 20:12

*If you do chose to do this, email me a blog or just short collection of thoughts about your Sabbath. I want to see how God uses this day to impact others lives and your entry may just show up in my next blog.  kaleyrivera@ymail.com